Best of Craigslist

Best of Craigslist http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers en-us Copyright 2010, craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best of Craigslist Collection 2009-09-03T20:18:51-07:00 2 daily Dear Eugene - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/1357650137.html Dear Eugene, It took only a few months before I decided to fly to you. It was a chilly, rainy afternoon in October. The cab driver told me all about the Ducks. I made up a story about a long lost love I was reuniting with. A boy flew down the stairs and kissed me all over my face until I blushed. I whispered my lie into his ear and he spun around to confirm it and added his own twist. He paid the driver $12 with a glowing smile. Over the next year you watched us trade poor jokes at Flying Dog, read to each other on the bus, make out in the leaves, throw coins into violin cases. You laughed when the pizza boy interrupted us the first time we had sex. You fogged up the streets the night we dropped acid and walked three miles to eat pancakes. We left the windows open to hear your trains sing us to sleep. You snowed once, for me. And poured a hundred times for no one. I can still smell nag champa on my sleeves, taste your clean air, feel the Willamette rushing under me. Eugene, you had the most ravishing sunrise, the freest citizens and, might I add, the best transit on the west coast. You're the most handsome city I've ever had. And I swear I'll never love another one better. I miss you, Eugene. I miss him, too. Truly, The Saddest Girl on the Atlantic <ul> <li> Location: East Coast <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-09-03T20:18:51-07:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/1357650137.html Dear Eugene - w4m text LP record album http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/1257106945.html Free John Denver LP, "Aerie." Ring wear and writing greatly obscure graphics on jacket. Includes sleeve, but it is seam split completely on one side, partially on the other. Sleeve also has writing on both sides: Aerie misspelled as "Arie." However, the name "John Denver" is written correctly on the sleeve. Vinyl is so badly warped it will not play; stylus jumps back-and-forth from groove to groove. Must take all: LP, jacket and sleeve. Little resale value, if any. Provide address; album will be flung from moving vehicle in your direction. <ul> <li> Location: Eugene <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-07-06T21:03:17-07:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/1257106945.html LP record album text I saw u riding dirty LTD style - w4m http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/1107514950.html You were sitting two rows front of me wearing a hulk-a-mania teeshirt. I was wearing a yankes cap and had the funky looking cane. You start rubbing your stomach and groaning which progress to audible farting and moaning, very sexy! I try to get the fuck off at the next stop to get away from You. When the bus stops You jump up right in front of me, Rude. I then Watch/Smell You dump a huge load of shit your jeans, Nice:) Get a diper tard. <ul> <li> Location: Cottage Grove <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-04-04T17:47:40-07:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/1107514950.html I saw u riding dirty LTD style - w4m text To all the fine people who frequent adult arcades... http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/978242424.html I have logged 10 ,count em, 10 years working for an adult bookstore and I think I am more than qualified to offer some helpful tips to make your visit to these shops just a little more enjoyable. Please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. 1) It is a complete wast of time to become upset when I refuse to shake your hand after you exit the arcade. You just had anonymous sex with a man, woman, tranny, or you just got finished masturbating. Had you grabbed the key to the restroom and washed your hands I might just have considered it, otherwise I have no interest in touching you. You really have no reason to be offended at this one, just think about it for a moment. 2) I'm sorry if you have only limited time to have gay sex with a stranger during your lunch break. If the only customers I have in the arcade are so old you are wondering how they remain upright, much less get it up, I simply can't waive a magic wand and fill the arcade with an all gay swim team. It really doesn't matter how horny you are, complaining incessantly about it changes nothing. Along that same line, I am not a resident fall back option and I'm sorry, but offering me cash for sex will not change my mind on this one (ever). 3) We offer the options of entering a booth with a window, a glory hole, or a private booth. If you enter a booth with a window, please don't be surprised if you look up and find someone watching you, coming to the counter and demanding that I throw whomever out because they were peeking at your willy will honestly accomplish little. If you enter a booth with a gloryhole, please don't be surprised if at some point a penis comes through it. Also don't be surprised if a voice comes through it asking for you to stick your penis through the hole, it's what it's there for. These traumatic events can all be avoided by entering a private booth where you can masturbate to your hearts content in relative privacy. 4) You enter a booth, insert a 1, 5, 10, or 20 dollar bill into the bill acceptor, and have a seat. The movie will play until the time limit for the amount of money you put into the machine runs out. If at that time you have not managed to relieve yourself you have still received what you paid for. Screaming at me will not get you more time in the arcade, it will just get you thrown the fuck out. Sitting in a booth with no money in the machine while you desperately try to grunt out a quick one is just not acceptable. If I knock on the door offering to get you change and you come out all grumpy saying something like "I just spent 7000 dollars here" or "do you know how much I spend here in a month" we now have a problem. You see, the concept really is simple yet I feel the need to break it down for you. If I go to McDonalds, order a cheese burger and eat it, I would not be allowed to sit there and eat unlimited cheese burgers all fucking day because I paid for the first one. Duh!! same thing here, once that TV screen goes black YOU GOT WHAT YOU PAID FOR! If you want to continue, fish out another bill or if you are broke GO THE FUCK HOME AND FINISH THERE. 4) This one is important, so pay it some fucking attention. If you happen to be a horny gay man (nothing wrong with that) and inappropriately proposition another man in the parking lot and he punches you in the mouth, YOU HAD IT COMING. I want to reiterate for the slow among us, YOU ASKED FOR IT!!! Please wait until you are in the arcade to cruise for dick. We offer a wide range of products that straight people need, so don't assume because someone is going to the adult bookstore they are gay. That is just fucking stupid you moron. 5) My job is to police the arcade and sell shit. That is all I get paid to do and it's all I care about. I could care less if you have a wedding ring on as you suck off 12 dudes, I don't care if you are cheating on your wife with a woman of "questionable standards", I don't care if you enjoy dressing in your little sisters cloths and putting on a show for strangers in a window booth, I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU ARE DOING IN THERE. I do not need a play by play description of what you were just doing. Keep it to yourself or write it in your journal or whatever. Just leave me out of it, I will not be impressed, seriously. 6) If you pee in the trashcans and I catch you you will be cleaning that booth and I will be berating you the entire time it takes you. You sick fucker what the fuck did your mother teach you when you were little. I will then take your fucking picture and show it to every one who works here. You will never be allowed back in, EVER!!!!!! 7) I understand that sex creates wet spots on clothing, etc...but if you come walking out of the arcade with cum in your beard, on your shirt, pants, whatever, I reserve the right to point and laugh. We thoughtfully provide paper towels just for that situation. If you choose not to use them then I choose to laugh and call you a douche bag. 8) We have janitors clean the arcade 3 times a day, every day. I can do little for you if the booth you so desperately need to whack off in has a load of cum dripping down the monitor. I will not be rushing back there to clean that up real quick for you. If the little present left by the previous occupant offends you so much you have 2 options, 1) Walk your ass to another, cleaner, booth. 2) reach up and grab a paper towel from the dispenser and clean it up your fucking self. That's it, throw the biggest tantrum you can and you will still be left with the same 2 options. I do hope you find this little piece of information helpful. Have a wonderful day! <ul> <li> Location: whack shack <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-01-02T20:45:08-08:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/978242424.html To all the fine people who frequent adult arcades... text Can I be your pumpkin? http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/976506720.html hello all you delicious men in craigslist land!! I'm looking for a long term(I already have our rings picked out) relationship with the perfect man. You need to be tall, beautiful, well built, oozing with lean rock hard muscles, and have thick dark hair. You need to be smart and college educated(PHD preferred). You of course need to have a great stable job where you make TONS of money for me to spend in any frivolous way I can think of. You need to be AWESOME in the sack with a huge package and have complete ejaculation control, so my intimate needs can be met each and every time you are lucky enough to have me. You also need to be content with no sex for months on end if it makes me happy. You must love kids because I have 7(don't worry the state has them for now). You also must LOVE my cats and instantly memorize the names and ages of all 12 of them. I have a hard time moving around so I bathe with a washrag on a stick and you must be willing to get the parts I cant reach. You must also be willing to fight other fat women off the electric shopping carts in large stores so I can ride them in comfort while shopping. My image of perfection can change at any time, depending on mood, time of the month, etc..You are required to conform to my changing expectations with little or no input from me. But enough about you. I'm oddly enough shaped like a pumpkin....LOL. I am very obese(I just got sweatin to the oldies so I'm working on it)and as I mentioned I cant move around very well, I do have a few minor medical problems. I have a bedsore on my ass from the computer chair I'm in all day. However I did recently get a blow up donut so that's finally healing up. The area between my belly and my huge pendulous breasts doesn't get much air so I have a few sores under there, I prop the ladies up with dvd boxes to improve air circulation whilst I surf the net so that should be improving soon as well. I just love the way cats freshen up any living space, I like the way they smell and you should too!! I like long walks in the rain, well, you walk and I hoveround. I also LOVE, LOVE, LOVE chocolate, LOTS of it(ice cream form is acceptable also). I have long dirty blond hair that I comb in such a way that you can hardly notice my dandruff and pattern baldness. I love to snuggle, just not on bath day(bath day is for me to enjoy).I have a massive collection of sexy floral moo moo's so you will never be without a little eye candy *wink*. Many of them just need to be washed and they'll look like brand new. I'm a smokin bBw waiting for you, the capitol B is for a little extra beautiful. I'm real you be too!!!!!! Kisses and bonbons me <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-01-01T11:46:37-08:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/976506720.html Can I be your pumpkin? text Break In...Break Out... http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/974925622.html I gotta hand it to you. When it comes to the art of the smash and grab, you're the best. I was in my apartment, probably awake, with the car parked right under my kitchen window flooded by parking lot lights. Judging by the fact that I found bits of glass from the driver's side window in every corner of the car, from the dashboard to the back seat, I gotta say, when you break a window, you don't go for subtle, you go all the way. You sir, work with gusto. Did you get a running start and swing a medieval battle axe at my window? Because that's what it looks like. I'm still picking glass out of weird nooks and crannies. I bet nobody messes with you when you carry that battle axe. You managed to get my stereo (which even I had a hard time getting in and out), an amplifier mounted (securely!) to the back of the back seat, and a big, heavy box containing a 1200 watt 12" subwoofer. The impressive thing was that you did all this without damaging a single part of the inside of the car! I didn't even know that piece of the dash around my stereo popped out like that. Shit, it would have made it a hell of a lot easier to install the RCA cables when I put the amp in. By the way, though it's not a super high end amp, I'd recommend getting the 4 gauge power cable anyway as the protection circuit can get a little finicky. I mean, you went to the trouble to take $600 bucks worth of stuff, so it ought to work right. Big ups for not jacking the post-election Obama print by Shepard Fairey that was in the tube in the back seat. Though really, thinking about it, it would have been kind of awesome if you had gotten home and saw that the poster said "Yes We Did" across the top. You could hang it up and pose for pics in front of it and your new stereo system. "Yes you did" break into my car. "Yes you did" get away with it. "Yes you did" (apparently) ignore the sea of Mercedes, Lexus, Range Rovers, etc that inhabit my parking lot, opting instead to hit up the lowly Grand Am. (It's the GT model but still.) I have to deduct points for that one. You rifled through all my compartments looking for what I can only guess was money and firearms but I don't tend to leave that kind of stuff in the car. Sorry. Just some pennies in the tray. Scattering all that paperwork all over the seat reminded me that I had an awful lot of trash in there! Hope that didn't hinder your search for my things. I've since put all that stuff in my filing cabinet. I'm actually kind of embarrassed that you saw all my clutter. I try to keep the car a bit cleaner than that. Then again, you DID cover the interior with about 3 inches of broken tempered glass so I guess you aren't exactly a neat freak either. I won't tell if you won't. Next time I'll try to have a new wireless security cam trained on my parking space from my place so I can witness your skills for myself. I'll put it up on YouTube so you can check it too. Hey, you can think of it as a training tape. You'll probably look pretty creepy and bad ass on an infra-red camera too. Those things make your eyes look all glowy and shit, like that annoying chick dripping snot everywhere on The Blair Witch Project. Did you see that movie? Yeah, it kinda sucked. Anyway, just wanted to write this. As I drive to work in silence, with the brisk winter air whipping in my face, I have plenty of time to reflect, and think of you. Hope you're thinking of me too. <ul> <li> Location: Lane County <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-12-30T16:08:26-08:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/974925622.html Break In...Break Out... text How to sell stuff on craigslist http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/957568595.html I just finished a Craigslist selling spree. Over the course of just a few weeks I sold well over $1400 of stuff I did not need or want anymore. Most of the items I sold ranged from $30-75 a piece, but I had a $275 item in there as well. Nothing I posted took longer than two weeks to sell. More so, nothing I sold during these “rough economic times” could even remotely be considered a necessity. It was all “luxury” items such as musical instruments, photo gear, and electronics. So, how did I do it? Four things: Pictures. Post a detailed picture of the item you are selling. People want to see what they are buying. You say you don’t have a digital camera? I bet you have a friend that does, and digital pictures are free! Or, hey, maybe you could find a used digital camera somewhere. Hmmm… I wonder where you could find someone trying to sell a used digital camera? Detail. Simply typing “For Sale” in the subject line does not give people any reason to click on your ad. Typing a model number of something that only three people in the entire world would recognize (e.g. “NS-2”) is just as bad. Give a description of what it is you are trying to sell (e.g. “Boss NS-2 Noise Suppressor Pedal”). Give detail about the condition of item you are selling, why you are selling it, and why they should buy it. Price. People come to craigslist for a deal. Buying something used for 90% the price of new is not a deal (well, unless you have something rare or a collectors item, then people will pay 200% of new. Crazy!). People start seeing things as a deal when the price is set at about 50% of new or less. You would be amazed at how simply adjusting the price of an item you have posted for $285 down to $275 will make the difference between no responses and a full inbox just moments after posting. Courtesy. Be courteous! You are not doing anyone any favors by selling your stuff. They are doing you a favor by buying your stuff! Make it easy for people to give you their money! Give a phone number (out of all my postings 90% of my sales were over the phone), let people know right away if someone else made an offer on your item (several of my sales went to the second or third offer), and for the love of Pete, don’t be a Jerk! I cannot believe how many people thanked me, not for selling them something, but for making it easy on them, contrary to their previous craigslist experiences. So, there you go. Why did I waste my time typing this? Because I love craigslist, I frequent the for sale ads daily, and I now have $1400 to spend. Question is, is it you who is going to get my money? <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-12-14T09:53:54-08:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/957568595.html How to sell stuff on craigslist text Cursed Coffee Mug - $6 http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/802221440.html Merciful it is that the foetid horrors of reality are too vast for the mortal mind to comprehend. Somehow the past becomes uniform - the most basic distinctions, such as those between dream and reality blend together. It is only the nightmare, jarring the sleeper to wakening perspiration, that leaves any real mark on the psychology. Those things that inhabit the dream - can we say that they are in some sense real? If not, is there any alternative remaining to the scientist but to say that they merely reflect some process within the mind? How can this be, when philosophers have so far been unable to refute the most basic of assertions: That reality itself is a dream. To argue both is to say that there is no reality at all; and that, we so dearly hope, cannot be true. After my grandfather's death in an unfortunate accident, I was called upon to settle his estate. His assets were, by that point, in quite a disarray, having been prayed upon by the many opportunistic vultures of the financial world. It was probably no help that his last decade was marked by a progressive madness that gradually came to overshadow even his perpetual drunkenness. The task was long and arduous, not at all helped by the summer heat or my dislike of casual attire. For the most part the estate settled without trouble. However, inside of a locked bureau was found a collection of strange objects. These objects included a tome written in some strange tongue, a cloth pouch containing some type of preserved organs (possibly from some small animal), an assortment of tallow candles, a sharp but tarnished dagger, and the coffee mug, pictured below: <img src="802221440.jpg"> The decision was made to donate these bizarre materials to the Massachusetts Cults Collection at Miskatonic University. However, the curator of the collection was not interested in this coffee mug and so it remains in my possession. Earlier this year I woke in the dead of night to a strange, atonal humming in my kitchen. For reasons that I cannot profess to comprehend, the unearthly noise gripped me with terror. Unable to sleep, I resolved to investigate. The shadows seemed especially thick that night, as if some whispy, warm membrane were brushing against me. As I fumbled through the dark hallway from my bedroom, I thought I heard some kind of whispering. This whispering was distant, only audible because of its peculiarity, but at the same time it felt as if the thing that was whispering was practically breathing the words into my ear. Perhaps because of the atonal humming, I could not discern the words that were whispered. Heart racing, I threw open the cupboard in which I had stored the mug. There it was, bathed in the moonlight, seething with unholy energies. Soon, I thought, soon I will awaken from this nightmare! Dreadfully, not...for this was but the first of many sleepless nights. Shrieking, I fled in my nightclothes to the safe confines of my automobile, in which I fitfully tossed until the morning. Now I write this tract, pleading really, that some kind soul will be interested in my plight. I have suffered a remarkable run of bad fortune and my estate is bankrupt. I am possessed by a strange illness, and I fear that my medical expenses will soon devour the last of my legacy. I can't bear it...you must take it for a little while...just so I can catch my breath. <img src="802221440.2.jpg"> *WARNING! This mug is NOT MICROWAVE SAFE. *May contain gates to other dimensions *Is known to the state of California to pose significant health risks. *Cannot be exorcised or purified by any earthly means. *Will not make Starbucks(TM) coffee drinkable. *May lead to permanent virginity (nerdicus gigans). <img src="802221440.3.jpg"> <ul> <li> Location: Eugene <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-08-18T12:32:41-07:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/eug/802221440.html Cursed Coffee Mug - $6 text